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Stars


Pisces

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger, you gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together.

Aries

You will be the victim of a terrible, and potentially debilitating accident.  You should withhold your bond repayment for the month in order to cover your medical costs.

Taurus

It looks as though you got your ass squeezed by sexy cupid.  Guess he wants to play a love game, a love game.  You should ride that disco stick.

Gemini

Spring balance scales, such as bathroom scales, are not recommended, as the spring counter balance mechanism may lose its accuracy after extended use.

Cancer

People sometimes look at you on the treadmill at the gym.  They laugh internally at your strange and funny style of walking and running.  You should ask a friend to record you on their cell phone camera so you can correct your strange gait and stop people laughing at you.

Leo
There will be times in the coming month when you will wonder if you’ve made the correct choice.  Often your choice will be correct, but sometimes it won’t be.
Virgo

Love features strongly for you as Venus makes an appearance I your zodiac chart.  Is it platonic love, family love or romantic love?  That is the question.

Libra

Watch out for evil clowns.  I shit you not.

Scorpio

One should often be wary of the dark side and the influences of evil people and ideas.  However, in this period, you must instead be wary of the left side.  Strange and bad things will come to you from your left hand side.  Keep your left eye peeled.

Sagittarius

This month you will have a moment in time, when you’ll be more than you thought you could be.  When all of your dreams are a heartbeat away and the answers will be all up to you.

Capricorn

You will be faced with critical decisions at work.  Some will be obvious, while other will not be.  You’ll only know later which of the non-obvious decisions were critical.  A wrong decision will cost you your job.  No pressure.

Aquarius

Like Robin Hood, you must take from the rich and give to the poor.  Unlike Alan Boesak, you must not get caught.

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