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DURBAN – The Miss India SA Company, owners of the South African Miss India South Africa beauty pageant franchise, have decided to expand the pageant by opening it up to people of other ethnic backgrounds. The new pageant format will see a Miss Europe SA, Miss Africa SA and a Miss Miscellaneous SA to cater for all the women of South Africa.

Swazi King Declares Himself Lord And Master Of All He Purveys

MBABANE – In a move described as the final death-knell to any hope of democracy in Swaziland, King Mswati III declared himself “Lord and Master of All I Purvey. This includes your wives, mothers, sisters and daughters. My penis will not be denied!”

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Housewife Pleasantly Surprised by Taxi Driver

JOHANESSBURG – Sandton housewife, Mrs. Rosemary Pearce, expressed how “wonderfully surprised” she was at being let into the fast lane by a minibus taxi driver on Tuesday.

Pearce, who at the time was rushing to make an appointment with her spiritual guide, said the incident had given her renewed hope for the new South Africa.

“I’ve always thought these people had no road manners whatsoever”, said Pearce, “but that driver, bless his soul, proved me wrong. It shows that they are changing, becoming more advanced. Maybe there is hope that we will become a civilized country again.”

Pearce reported that if she had not been let into the fast lane she would have missed her meeting with her spiritual guide and not been able to make contact with her late father.

“My guide tells me that the ancestral spirits are quite particular about time. If you are a little late you may miss the one you want to contact. I am just glad I was able to get closure with my father over so many issues. All thanks to that driver”, said Pearce.

Health Minister Taunts Critics

JOHANNESBURG – National Health Minister, Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, who has retained her position in the new cabinet selected by president Mbeki, took time out of her schedule to taunt her critics.

The minister reportedly called several members of the Treatment Action Campaign, proclaimed “Guess what?! I’m still minister!!”, laughed raucously and then hung up.

The Democratic Alliance’s ‘shadow minister’ of health has also confirmed being a victim of the minister’s taunts when he received a pocket of African potatoes with a note saying “Still minister and loving it, baby!” attached to it.

A spokesperson for the minister said that it was “highly unlikely” the minister would resort to such action since she had more important matters to attend to “such as overseeing the roll-out of anti-retrovirals, and stopping TB.”