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Palestinians,
Israelis Compare Kill Ratios
 GAZA
– Operatives from Hamas, al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade, Shin Bet and the Israeli Defence
Force met in an Internet chat-room on Tuesday in a secret meeting to compare the
guilty-innocent kill ratios of their respective operations. The meeting came about when
Hamas leaders engaged the Israeli authorities in an anonymous e-mail debate over who had
killed more innocent people. Read More>>
New Study Finds Drugs
"pretty fucking cool"
 GRAHAMSTOWN - Flying in the face of conventional
wisdom that drugs are bad, drugs kill and that only losers take drugs, a new study at
Rhodes University has found that drugs are in fact, "pretty fucking cool". This
came during a trial-run of extended marijuana smoking between chief researchers and
participants of the study, Graeme Wilcox and Steven Naude. Read More>>
...fate had led George W Bush to become President of
South Africa ?
- The minister of health would be fired because the president
can't pronounce "Tshabalala-Msimang."
- Foreign policy would change to pander to the needs of
acne-ridden teenagers, since they're the only oil producers in the country.
- SA would invade Zimbabwe because "Mugabe's moustache
makes him look like Hitler."
- Botswana would be referred to as "our friends in the
South."
Suggest your own
"What If"! (you will be credited for it)
Girl Finds Sex Good, But Not Great
VEREENIGING - After weeks of begging from her hormone-ravaged boyfriend to "commit
their love to each other", Samantha Arendse, 17, finally acquiesced to sexual
intercourse while getting take-out at the McDonald's drive-through on Voortrekker Street.
According to onlookers, the couple consummated their relationship on the back seat of
Arendse's mother's 1994 Citi Golf.
"There were a few false starts, but after a few encouraging hoots from other cars in
the queue, things were on track and the whole things was over before their Big Mac meals
were hanging outside the Collect Window", said one employee who preferred not to be
named.
Speaking afterwards from the passenger seat and slurping intermittently from her
Super-sized Vanilla Coke, Samantha said, "I expected it like, to be like, better you
know? I mean it was okay, but it definitely wasn't great. It was over pretty quickly and
nobody mentioned anything about the mess afterwards. That's pretty gross."
On her "Top 10 list of like, coolest things", she ranked sex above shopping
(except for shoes) but below talking on the phone with her best friend and wearing short
skirts at nightclubs.
Election Court Dismisses IFP Motion in Summary
Judgement.
JOHANNESSBURG – The special Election Court set up to hear the IFP’s motion
contesting the fairness of the elections in KwaZulu-Natal rejected the motion and passed
summary judgement to that effect on the first day of the trial here.
Judge Kenneth Mthiyane, who heads up the panel of judges and attorneys presiding over the
court, stopped the proceedings after hearing the opening argument of the IFP’s
advocate. “Look counsel, life is not fair, so what’s your point? I
don’t think we really need to go any further do we?”
The other presiding officers of the court agreed with his opinion. “All I have to say
is ‘vasbyt!’”, said attorney Susan Abro. Judge Thumba Pillay concurred when
he told counsel for the IFP to “tell your client to just suck it up.” Attorney
Saloshna Moodley was a little harsher in her judgement: “You people sound like my
whining teenage daughter. You lost. Tough Luck. Just deal with it!”
The IFP filed a motion to appeal against the judgement immediately after the brief trial.
The motion, however, is not expected to go far as the Clerk of the Court was seen using it
to wipe a coffee spill on his desk.
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