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|Vote Counting Joke
Leads To Homicide
TOWN An innocent joke by a bored junior Independent Electoral Commission (IEC)
volunteer led to a vicious homicide on Election Day. IEC volunteer, Cameron James, known
for his jovial spirit and practical jokes, pushed his colleagues too far when he
constantly shouted out random numbers during the vote count, forcing them to re-count
three times. Read More>>
Gummi Bears No Longer
Bouncing Here, There, Or Anywhere
GUMMI GLEN The loveable bears whose high
adventures were beyond compare will no longer be fighting the forces of the evil Duke
Igthorn of Drekmore. Instead they will be battling their medical aid schemes for access to
chronic medication to treat the symptoms of many years of steroid abuse..
...the DA won the General Elections?
Through the use of incredibly advanced simulation and modelling software, the sjambok
has unveiled the nightmarish scenario of what life would be like had the DA won the
- Government continually admonishes official opposition for
being petty and playing the 'race card'.
- Opposition parties bemoan government for not tackling the core
issues of crime and unemployment.
- Widespread defection of party members from the opposition
towards ruling party.
- Government forms shady alliances with former apartheid regime
parties to entrench power.
- Despite improved tax revenue collection and better fiscal
management, poverty continues to spiral while parliamentary debate rages on about the
legitimacy of a presidential yacht.
- The R48-bn arms deal is scrapped in favour of a newer, shinier
R75-bn arms deal. And an M3.
Suggest your own
"What If"! (you will be credited for it)
Consultant Uses Her Breasts To Extend Deadlines
DURBAN Consultant, Anneline Smith, has reportedly been making frequent use of her
size 32C breasts, Wonderbras, and low cut tops to extend her teams project
Ms Smith, although not her team leader, has apparently been scheduling extension
meetings, as her team calls them, with her manager whenever her team has been late
on a project deadline.
I just go in wearing my extension clothes, said Smith. And I
make sure I never sit down but lean over the desk to lay down all the issues in the
project. That approach hasnt failed me yet.
Mr Raymond Rogers, Smiths manager, told the sjambok that her team has
suffered a horrible run of bad luck, resulting in their last five projects running late
and 15% over budget.
Rogers also went further to say: But bru, off the record? That chick has the
greatest pair of tits I have ever seen! Theyre mesmerising. How can I say no?
Its not like we wont build that 15% into the cost somewhere else.
Easter Bunny Claims Responsibility For Low Death Toll
JOHANNESBURG The Easter Bunny held a press conference here on Tuesday to refute
claims that increased driver responsibility was responsible for the lower death toll in
traffic-related accidents over the Easter weekend.
The Arrive Alive lady said it was thanks to the
drivers. Bullshit! said a livid Easter Bunny. Everyone knows that South
Africans cant drive to save their lives. Umm, excuse the pun. The only reason there
were less accidents is because the KZN Minister of Transport, Sbu Ndebele, invoked my name
at one of his meetings. He said The Easter Bunny better help us out otherwise
everyone will just blame the ANC for the deaths. Im a nice guy, so I helped
out. That is the only reason more people havent died this Easter. Look, obviously I
couldnt stop all the accidents. I mean I cant be everywhere at once.
An Arrive Alive spokesperson said that they could not independently verify that Easter
Bunnys claims were true. Minister Ndebele, however, said that his ANC-led department
should be credited for its creative thinking in solving road safety problems. He also said
that the Easter Bunnys involvement proved that even the legendary bunny was an ANC