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the sjambok - South African Satire

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South African Satire

Issue 3,  March 2004   [Subscribe]

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South Africa's Top Sites

God Apologises for Apartheid

gmountS.jpg (2947 bytes)CAPE TOWN – Speaking from the top of Table Mountain in a rare appearance earlier today, God apologised to the nation for Apartheid and about 300 years of racial discrimination.

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Newsgroup Ignores New New New National Party

letterNS.jpg (2161 bytes)DURBAN - The Independent Newspapers group has decided to stop printing articles referring to the New New New National Party (NNNNP). Derrick Bleys, spokesperson for the group, said that the reasons for this drastic action were varied...
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Maya The Bee Murdered By Killer Bees

KRUGER NATIONAL PARK – The world’s most famous bee, Maya The Bee, was brutally murdered by killer bees while on holiday here. Maya, originally from Japan, was world-renowned for her friendly demeanour. It was a cruel act of irony that this friendliness was responsible for her gruesome death.

maya.jpg (12323 bytes)The incident occurred while Maya was on safari in the game park with some of her insect friends from abroad. Maya apparently caught site of a beehive, and, without thinking, flew towards it to make her first acquaintance with African bees. Maya, a European honeybee, was unaware of the aggressive nature of African honeybees, or killer bees as they are more commonly known. The indigenous bees apparently swarmed Maya, tearing her limbs from her body and stinging her in both eyes.

A spokesperson for the park blamed Maya’s sheltered upbringing for not making her aware of the nature of her African cousins. She is survived by her hive-queen mother, 10023 hive sisters, and 21 hive brothers.


Felicia Nominates Herself for The Order Of Luthuli

JOHANESSBURG – Celebrity talk show host Felicia Mabuza-Suttle has nominated herself for the prestigious Order of Luthuli award.  According to a government website, the award is presented to citizens for making a “meaningful contribution to the struggle for democracy, human rights, nation-building, justice and peace, and conflict resolution.”

Felicia was most recently in the public eye after a controversy which had e-tv claiming it ended her show ‘Felicia’, and Felicia claiming she stopped of her own accord. 

“Now that the show is over I will move to the USA to be with my family.  Since nobody else is prepared to recognise the sacrifices I made to bring unity and love to my country’s people, I have decided to nominate myself for the Order.   I have every confidence my nomination will be successful.  I will return to South Africa for the awards ceremony where my beaming smile will shine a light of righteous anger into the eyes of Phat Joe and all those who've denied my magnificence”, said Felicia.

She said that her brand of eyewear, “Felicia’s Eyewear”, would continue to be sold in SA in her absence.

 

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