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To Introduce DNA Registration
HOUSTON, TEXAS In its latest move to stamp out rampant piracy of
its ubiquitous operating system, Microsoft unveiled their new registration policy at a
computer expo in Houston, Texas, on Monday. Billed as BioNanoReg(R) Technology, this
new method successfully merges two of the biggest buzzwords in hi-tech marketing, ensuring
its rapid and unquestioning acceptance by the consuming public.
Reality Reality TV Kicks
NEW YORK - In the late 90's, Reality TV changed the
way we thought about TV. Now, Reality Reality TV is set to redefine how we perceive
Reality TV. "Reality TV is in a bit of a slump", said ABC's Programming
Manager, Jerry Ruth. "Survivor XIV was a bomb, and our latest fall line-up is not
doing well in the focus groups."
Confused about life? Relationship or career not working out?
At the sjambok we offer real South Afican advice by real South Africans.
In this case, our Recce Commando will help you out - just mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. We will answer as many questions as possible right here. (For
those of you who don't know, a recce commando is a South African soldier much like a navy
seal or SAS commando, only better)
Click here to read Agony Recce
Zuma patents AIDS-removal shower technique
JOHANNESBURG Former deputy president Jacob Zuma announced at a press conference on
Wednesday that he had stolen a march on AIDS researchers and vaccine trials
worldwide. Zuma was referring to the registration of a patent for an AIDS-removal
shower technique he had successfully applied for.
I will be releasing a DVD in which the technique will be demonstrated. I have
engaged the services of Narend Singh to act in the shower scene due to his popularity in a
recently released DVD, said Zuma.
Zuma said that he was sure that taking a shower using his patented technique would do more
to combat AIDS than the use of condoms. Lets face it, weve been trying
to get people to use condoms for ages and it just doesnt work. When you need to do
it, you need to do it now! Not in the five minutes it might take you to get a
A spokesperson for Zuma said that he will be marketing the DVD together with the Rath
Foundation, who have pioneered anti-AIDS vitamins.
If you take vitamins before and shower afterwards youre basically bulletproof
, said the spokesperson.
Plane Crashes As Raindrops Turn To Jelly Tots
JOHANNESBURG 154 people were left dead in Johannesburg when the plane they were
traveling in crashed in a brief shower of Jelly Tots yesterday. The phenomenon, which has
left meteorologists perplexed, resulted in the crash of EgyptAir flight E142 from Cairo.
According to Civil Aviation Authority spokesperson, Ervine Strydom, EgyptAir flight E142
experienced engine failure as a result of hundreds of chewy, fruity Jelly Tots that
got sucked into its jet engines.
The flight, which was carrying a number of ex-policemen on their way home from private
security work in Iraq, crashed into an abandoned mine dump. The widow of one of the
victims of the crash was distraught that her husband had survived work in Iraq only
to be killed by some fucking Jelly Tots.
The manufacturer of Jelly Tots, Nestle, denied any responsibility for the strange
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