|New Britney Video
Not 'Toxic' Enough to Kill Christina
JOHANNESBURG - "Britney [Spears] is still hot, but I'd go for Christina [Aguilera]
any day." This is the sentiment aired by prepubescent boys on the playgrounds of
Johannesburg schools this week. "I used to think Britney was the hottest, but ever
since the 'Dirrty' video, Christina has been way hotter", said Mike Goldberg, 12, of
Mellville High. This feeling was echoed enthusiastically by his adolescent friends.
BioSlim, the company famous for its weight-loss product, is to release a new
product that is predicted to take consumers by storm BioSmart. According to the
company the new product will increase the intelligence of those who use it. CEO Andrew
Tiny Atkins called the new product a world first, and described it
as Viagra for the brain. Read More>>
Jesus Loves The Little
Hello, my name is Luke. Im 11 years old. My mommy and
daddy named me after Dr Luke, one of the apostles in the Bible. I have a baby brother
called Matthew and a little sister called Deborah. Matthew is also called after an apostle
in the Bible. But not Deborah. Only boys can be apostles, so she is named after a woman
from the Bible instead. I want to tell you about the best year of my life so far.
Scorpions Staff Killed by Scorpion
PRETORIA - Five office staff members from the elite Scorpions crime-fighting
unit were killed by their pet scorpion, Scorpio, at their head office on Thursday. A
stand-in for the usual Scorpions spokesperson (who was also killed in the incident) blamed
the cleaning staff for knocking over the lid that kept Scorpio in his tank. Bloody
It is alleged that once free, Scorpio stung the five office staffers on the ankle before
anybody realised it was not the Thurday lunchtime bunny-chow that was laying everybody
low. Anarchy then apparently reigned until operatives of the unit destroyed Scorpio in a
hail of gunfire from their Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine guns. The two office
goldfish, Mac and Mo, were also killed when a stray bullet smashed into their bowl.
Home Affairs to Screen American Tourists
PRETORIA A spokesperson for the Department of Home Affairs announced today that it
is considering implementing a program to screen American tourists coming into the country.
The spokesperson said that the department considered the tourists to be a danger to the
country because of the attention they get from Islamic terror groups. We have seen
that wherever Americans go the terrorists try to blow them up.
Home Affairs is considering two options for US tourists. The first, more extreme option,
will entail turning them away at all ports of entry; however, this plan is not likely sit
well with the local tourist industry. The second option will see American tourists being
issued Visitor cards upon entry to the country. The cards will then be used to
make sure that there is a small enough number of Americans at any major tourist
attraction to make it an insignificant target for terrorists.
The spokesperson said the department did not foresee too many complaints from Americans
since they themselves have a very active screening process in their own country, and
most of them are willing to part with a few civil liberties after 9/11.