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the sjambok - South African Satire

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A sort of monthly dose of humour.

Not for under 18's or the easily offended!

South African Satire

Issue 19,  June 2005   [Subscribe]



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Dr Rath Health Foundation Makes New Scientific Leap

rathS.gif (10407 bytes)The Rath Foundation made a scientific breakthrough recently after it released results of its latest study into the use of Rath Multi-vitamins to cure amputees. Matthias Rath, the head of the foundation, announced that clinical trials at the foundation’s state-of-the-art secret mountain hideaway and laboratory had proven that Rath Multivitamins cured sufferers of full and partial amputations in 67.2% of all cases

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Insurance Companies' New Policy Is Honesty

insuranceS.jpg (3784 bytes)JOHANNESBURG - The shake-up of insurance companies by government is finally being taken seriously. Several recent rulings against Sanlam and other big South African companies have given the management of these companies a serious wake-up call.

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Agony Recce

Confused about life? Relationship or career not working out?   At the sjambok we offer real South Afican advice by real South Africans. In this case, our Recce Commando will help you out - just mail him at agony@sjambok.co.za.   We will answer as many questions as possible right here.  (For those of you who don't know, a recce commando is a South African soldier much like a navy seal or SAS commando, only better)

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Other Articles

Jedi Mind Tricks Useless As Mbeki Forced to Fire Zuma

PRETORIA – the sjambok has learned that a desperate President Thabo Mbeki tried in vain several times to use Jedi mind tricks to get the ex-Deputy President Jacob Zuma to resign on his own, ultimately forcing him to fire Zuma in parliament.

Widely criticised for not acting sooner after the outcome of the Schabir Shaik trial, it is now understood that Mbeki was in fact trying to persuade Zuma to resign ‘voluntarily’ using Jedi mind tricks.

Although it could not be independently confirmed, a sjambok source indicated that Zuma was able to resist Mbeki’s mind tricks because he had in fact been schooled in the use of The Force after being turned to the Dark Side by Shaik. According to the source it was Zuma’s own use of mind tricks that allowed him to sway the minds of government procurement officials to favour Shaik’s companies when awarding tenders.

Mbeki’s situation, and indeed the fate of all good people in South Africa, now seems tenuous as it is plainly obvious that Zuma has extended the influence of the Dark Side over a large number of regional ANC leaders, COSATU, and the ANC Youth and Women’s Leagues.

World Peace No Longer As Important At Miss World Pageant

New York – Peace activists have noted with alarm the decline of the emphasis placed on world peace by Miss World contestants in recent years.

Bernard McCullough, of the US-based activist group ‘Peace Now’, reported that in his in-depth analysis of Miss World contestant answers regarding current issues, world peace had slipped to a distant twenty-four on the list over the last ten years.

“Girls are more worried about ‘safe’ issues like saving the whales or panda bears and making sure children play less computer games. Some are concerned about peace, but these contestants are usually from war-ravaged countries and even then they’re only concerned about peace in their own little corner of the world”, said McCullough.

McCullough cited a number of possible reasons for this: “It could just be that the whole world peace thing has become a bit of a cliché at the pageant. On the other hand, it may be that contestants are afraid that speaking out against war may be seen as speaking out against America, and, as you know, you’re either with us or against us. Generally being against us is only possible for celebrities that are already very popular.”

‘Peace Now’ has promised to raise the issue with the pageant’s organizers.

Reader Remarks

Sometimes readers miss the whole satire / fake news / this is not serious vibe and feel moved enough to write to us.  Of course, others just have good things, or real constructive criticism to give.  See it all here.

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