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Dan
Brown Eyes Next Novel
 NEW
YORK - Following the immense success of his first two novels, 'Angels and Demons' and 'The
Da Vinci Code', Dan Brown is set to continue the catholic conspiracy saga with another
novel, 'The Papal Diaries'.Read More>>
R.E.M. Poser Caught Out
 JOHANNESBURG - A man posing as a 'hardcore' R.E.M.
supporter was exposed as a poser at Thursday night's Johannesburg concert when he sang the
words to "It's the end of the world as we know it" during the band's performance
of "Wanderlust".
Read More>>
Confused about life? Relationship or career not working out?
At the sjambok we offer real South Afican advice by real South Africans.
In this case, our Recce Commando will help you out - just mail him at agony@sjambok.co.za. We will answer as many questions as possible right here. (For
those of you who don't know, a recce commando is a South African soldier much like a navy
seal or SAS commando, only better)
Click here to read Agony Recce
>>
Scientists To Probe Radio Call Show Stupidity
Phenomenon
DURBAN – Cognitive science researchers at the University of KwaZulu-Natal (UKZN) are
to embark on a groundbreaking study to determine the cause of the “mass stupidity
phenomenon” shown by callers to radio shows who constantly have to be reminded to
turn their radio volume down.
“We are really quite intrigued by this phenomenon”, said Dr David Zulu, chief
researcher at UKZN’s cognitive science unit. “For a long time now, in fact for
years, many of us have noticed that every time we listen to a radio show, people phone in
and have to be told to turn their radios down. Yet, people never learn to do it. It’s
like there’s some mental block to this concept. In the trade we call it a ‘mass
stupidity phenomenon’. We intend to get to the root of this particular one.”
Zulu is part of a team that is working with leading psychiatrist Dr Bonga Chiliza, who has
super-specialised in treating radio disc jockeys who suffer the broadcasting studio
equivalent of road rage as a result of these calls.
“It is quite remarkable the strong emotions these stupid callers bring out of the
disc jockeys. Many of my patients admit to thoughts as extreme as disemboweling callers
and smashing their heads in with a telephone handsets. Obviously this kind of rage needs
to be managed and minimized in whatever way”, said Chiliza.
Zulu believes the phenomenon is not a uniquely South African problem and has a strong
suspicion it may be linked to other mass stupidity phenomena experienced the world over,
such as believing whatever one reads on e-mail.
Results from the research, sponsored by the SABC and independent radio stations
nationwide, are expected as early as August.
Green Scorpion Arrests Red Scorpion
PRETORIA – In a twist of fate yesterday a member of the newly constituted ‘Green
Scorpions’ environmental crime-fighting unit arrested a counterpart in the more
established, general crime-fighting ‘Red Scorpions’.
“I was on patrol just outside the Pretoria CBD when I see the white Polo pull up at a
robot. The oak inside sommer just throws his can of Coke out the window! I mean, jislaaik,
in this day and age?” said inspector JJ Fourie of the ‘Green Scorpions’,
“so I race through the red light - ‘cos we can you know, we have those special
powers too – and block his car from escaping. Then I pulled out my pistol and told
him to freeze, which he did. I then explained to him who I was and read him his rights. He
wasn’t chuffed, hey! He kept telling me that he was a scorpion and I shouldn’t
arrest him, but there are no exceptions when it comes to destroying the environment.
Mother nature doesn’t care who you are, so neither do we.”
Inspector Ismail N Shaik, the ‘Red Scorpion’ arrested, had a differing account
of events: “I was chilling at this robot, OK? Minding my own business, having a Coke
and a smile, when this guy in a beige Land Rover brakes too late for the red robot and
winds up right in front of my car. I got such a fright I dropped my can of Coke out the
window. Next thing, he’s jumping out the car with a gun! For a second I thought it
may have been a hijacker, but then I figured no self-respecting hijacker would use a .22
calibre pistol. I was gonna pull my 44 Magnum and just waste the mother-f…ur suspect,
but I heard a voice inside me saying ‘hold me back, hold me back’. He’s
lucky that voice held me back, otherwise he’d be dead now.”
A sjambok source in the Department of Justice indicated that there is much behind the
scenes work being carried out to smoothen the relationships between the Red and Green
Scorpions following the incident.
Sometimes readers miss the whole satire / fake news / this is
not serious vibe and feel moved enough to write to us. Of course, others just have
good things, or real constructive criticism to give. See it all here.
Click here to see Reader
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