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the sjambok - South African Satire

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A sort of monthly dose of humour.

Not for under 18's or the easily offended!

South African Satire

Issue 17,  February 2005   [Subscribe]

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Tokyo Sexwale To Launch 'Formula T' Racing

formulaTS.jpg (5451 bytes)JOHANESSBURG – Not long after becoming the star of an SABC reality TV show, Tokyo Sexwale has unveiled bold plans to launch a minibus taxi racing tour called ‘Formula T’. The new racing format will take place throughout the country and will involve rigorous selections to identify the country’s premier minibus taxi drivers.

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Bottom Story

Cryptic SMS Leaves Man In Dumps

crypticSMSS.jpg (2882 bytes)CAPE TOWN - Michael Stevenson was left pondering the fate of his relationship on Monday when his girlfriend, Samantha Nielson, apparently dumped him via SMS.


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Agony Recce

Confused about life? Relationship or career not working out?   At the sjambok we offer real South Afican advice by real South Africans. In this case, our Recce Commando will help you out - just mail him at agony@sjambok.co.za.   We will answer as many questions as possible right here.  (For those of you who don't know, a recce commando is a South African soldier much like a navy seal or SAS commando, only better)

Click here to read Agony Recce >>

Other Article

Remains Of Little Pig Found In RDP House

CATO MANOR, DURBAN – Police here discovered the remains of a little pig in the rubble of what used to be an RDP house. SAPS spokesperson Inspector Bala Govender said that police are investigating a revenge murder and are following up on leads indicating a big, bad wolf as the chief suspect.

pig.jpg (10715 bytes)“From what we have heard from the neighbours, the deceased lost two of his brothers to a big, bad wolf many years ago. The deceased apparently killed the big, bad wolf in self-defence when he attempted to break into the deceased’s house and eat him. Not long after that, the deceased was forcefully removed due to the Group Areas Act. After living in game reserves and informal settlements, he recently moved into the RDP house”, said Govender.

Sources have told the sjambok that the big bad wolf’s son, known as “Junior” at the time of his father’s demise, swore to avenge his father’s death and has spent the rest of his life preparing to kill the little pig.

Insp. Govender indicated the main reason that "Junior”, now also a big, bad wolf, was their chief suspect was that the same “huff and puff” technique employed by his father had been used to blow the RDP house down.

What If?

...Eugene Terreblanche somehow became President of South Africa?

  • New parliament buildings would be erected in Ventersdorp, and Potchefstroom would become the judicial capital
  • The music of “Fokoff Polieskar” would be banned for all time
  • National Service would become compulsory for white males from the age of 12
  • Military units would be known as 1 Ysterbrigade, 2 Ysterbrigade...
  • Crimpilene would replace cotton
  • Ford may consider reviving the 3 litre Cortina in Gunston colours
  • Mugabe would be assassinated
  • Lexington and Gold Dollar plain would become popular again
  • It would rain in Namakwaland

 

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