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the sjambok - South African Satire

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A sort of weekly dose of humour.

Not for under 18's or the easily offended!

South African Satire

Issue 14,  August 2004   [Subscribe]



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Man Fails To Score Despite Being Irresistible

geekS.jpg (1450 bytes)JOHANNESBURG - Joe Derrick of Bedfordview, Johannesburg yesterday expressed shock and dismay at his failure to make intimate contact with any member of the opposite sex despite being blatantly irresistible.

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Isidingo Gives Borderline Psychos A Bad Name

isidingoS.jpg (2446 bytes)JOHANESSBURG – Isidingo, the popular South African soap opera, came under fire yesterday for the “excessive demonizing” of psychotic people by a special interest group called ‘Slightly Unbalanced’ (SU). The leader of SU, Alex Heberling, accused Isidingo of “putting all psychotic people into the same straightjacket” by its frequent use of “evil psychotic characters who only terrorise the popular characters”.
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Olympic Hammer Thrower Tells Of Irritation

ATHENS, GREECE – Speaking in an exclusive interview with the sjambok at the Olympic Village, American hammer thrower, James Parker, spoke of his extreme frustration at having to describe his chosen sport to most people he meets.

parker.jpg (2989 bytes)“It’s always something like ‘What?’or ‘That’s funny! What do you really do?’ Which is usually followed by ‘Wow. I didn’t know that was an actual sport.’ And some kind of stupid question like ‘So what kind of hammers do you throw?’ or ‘Isn’t that dangerous?’”, explained Parker.

“It’s just so damned irritating! I’ve lost count over how many times I’ve described the hammer-throw to ignorant people. Sometimes I just tell people I do weight lifting. But that’s also getting on my nerves, ‘cos then they ask me if I take steroids. One of these days my hammer is going to turn up as the principal exhibit in a murder case involving some dumbass. Even then, I’ll probably have to explain hammer-throw to the jury.”

Unfortunately Parker did not qualify for the finals, and plans on returning to America and tell people he went on holiday to Greece.

Tractor-mechanic Surprised At Indians

DURBAN – Twenty-five year old Free State tractor-mechanic, Frikkie Du Toit, described his surprise at how different Indians in Durban were from his expectations, during a phone call to his mother on Thursday.

Du Toit, who was on his first trip outside the Free State, called his mother to tell her about Durban and the sea, but could not help but tell her about how “civilized” many of the Indians he met were.

He expressed his surprise that most Indian women did not wear saris “like in the Bollywood movies on SABC3” and that most Indians spoke English better than him.

Du Toit also spoke of his visit to the popular H2O nightclub where he was quite shocked that Indians drank and danced to Western music since he thought these were supposed to be evil for Indians, and the “reason for September 9/11”. However; he was most happy that so many people complimented him on the new white safari suit he bought for his holiday.

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