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the sjambok - South African Satire

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South African Satire

Issue 13,  July 2004   [Subscribe]

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Saddam Employs Shaggy Defense

saddamS.jpg (4276 bytes)BAGHDAD – “It wasn’t me.” These were the words of Saddam Hussein at his trial in Baghdad yesterday. Hussein confounded legal experts around the world when he embarked on the use of the complete denial defence technique made famous by pop star Shaggy in his hit song ‘It wasn’t me’.

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AWB Moves To Strengthen Resistance In Jail

eugeneS.jpg (5111 bytes)VENTERSDORP – Having recently been released from jail after serving a sentence for assault, Eugene Terreblanche, iconic leader the neo-Nazi AWB movement, has declared his organization’s intent to fight for the rights of Afrikaners in jail. “We are fighting a rear-guard action in jails’, said Terreblanche.
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Fondue-mendalists Cheesed Off

COPENHAGEN, DENMARK - 15 people died last week when 2 16-ton blocks of cheddar and Gouda cheese inexplicably materialised out of nowhere some 50 metres above the ground. Inevitably gravity got wind of this, and the dairy products crashed to the ground, crushing a group of students.
Apparently the youths were members of a fanatical, splinter religious group who were praying for the "Coming of Cheeses". Religious experts are suggesting that this tragedy is a result of God not being able to understand the Danish accent. To be honest, we can't blame him.

Local Authorities have blocked the area off and are selling bits of the "Holy Cheeses" to tourists for $100 per kilogram.

Choir Member 'too supportive'

LLANELLI,WALES - A member of the Male Welsh Choir, Arnold Wigginslough, has been expelled
from the World famous singing group for helping his fellow members hit the high notes.
Choirmaster Simon Qhwlm explains, ``There's nothing wrong with a bit of support but Arnold was just plain fondling. He took advantage of us''.

Arnold has since taken up a job in a local coal mine helping miners relieve back pain caused from bending over all day.





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