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TURFFONTEIN, JOHANNESBURG – Local rodent exterminator and television critic, Bryan "Bliksem" Labuschagne, expressed extreme disappointment at the levels of sex and nudity being portrayed on public network television shows.

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Plumber Not Getting Laid Enough On The Job

DURBAN – Local plumber, Eric ‘The Pipe’ Templin, complained yesterday that his job was not as sexually gratifying as he had been led to believe. “I quit learning to be a mechanic because all the movies showed that being a plumber was a sure-fire way of getting laid”, said Templin. “It turns out that those movies really exaggerate that part of the job. Or maybe it’s just different in America.”  
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Golf Study Fails To Reach Ladies Tees

Men have known this for years, but results released from the US recently suggest that playing golf is good for your health. In a study involving 1500 premenstrual women it was shown that tension levels were drastically reduced after half an hour on the golf course.

It is thought that the slow rhythmic movement of the golf swing causes a release of endorphins into the blood stream, producing a calming effect, lifting the players’ mood as a result.

And it was not just golf balls that did the trick either. Stress levels were reduced the most in women for whom, although they couldn't hit a golf ball for a bushel of daisies, taking a swipe at the nearest tree did just as well.

The most effective use of the golf-therapy was soon evident as hundreds of irritable women began putting the 3-wood to maximum use on their caddies, each other and eventually anyone who stepped onto the first tee.

Other psychologists in the U.S. are highly sceptical about the validity of the results, since the intelligence of anyone dishing out potentially lethal weapons to a group of women with PMS had to be seriously questioned.



Hair-trigger Man Faces Jail Time

Nigel Evans of Estcourt is facing a six-month prison sentence after he was found guilty of illegally using handicapped parking bays. Apparently Mr. Evans had been using handicapped bays for over a year without the required licence disc. In handing out sentence Justice Gaffie Van Der Hout said that although premature ejaculation was an inconvenience it did not constitute a handicap.