Archived Article
South African Satire
Issue 2, March 2004
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New Britney Video Not 'Toxic' Enough to Kill Christina
And this despite the raunchy video for Spears' new single
‘Toxic’, which was released last week. Industry pundits generally believed that
Spears would gain ground on her Hispanic rival after she had seen her popularity slip
after Aguilera shod her goody girl image in 2002. "The ‘Toxic’ video will display more of Spears' cleavage than ever before. There is no doubt that the smut factor of this video will put her back on top of the pop pile, where she belongs. Considering how much weight Aguilera has put on recently, this should be a cinch", an executive from Spears' label, Jive Music claimed Monday.
But nearly a month after airing, this doesn't appear to be the case. "Sure you see some of her tits and the whole air hostess thing is pretty sexy, but have you seen the size of Christina's boobs in 'The voice within'? She's throws those puppies around like there's no tomorrow", confirmed Goldberg.
"I think I'll buy Christina's CD because there'll probably be hotter pictures of her inside than the Britney album."
Insiders report that in order to stay ahead in the male-preteen popularity game, Aguilera's next video will feature her sporting nothing but a clear PVC raincoat in a thundershower, with subliminal flashes of her rubbing her right nipple with a frozen lollipop. Due to time constraints there will be no music or lyrics, but focus group research suggests that this has little, if any impact, on the singer's popularity among boys aged 11 - 14.
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