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South African Satire

Issue 11,  May 2004

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Van Schalkwyk Releases Pop Album

CAPE TOWN - New National Party Leader Marthinus "Kortbroek" van Schalkwyk announced at a press conference Monday that he would be releasing a new CD entitled ‘Koel Kortbroek Treffers (Vol 1)’.

Speaking from his party headquarters in Cape Town, van Schalkwyk said, "I can like to forbetter my popularity amongst the young votering peoples. For this reason vizz-a-vizz in dis regard and I can state quite unequatorially that my new CD what comes out in shops next week will certainly make me once again the coollest-est politcian wiff the young voters".

Prompted by a correspondent to explain why the youthful voting public was being targeted in particular, Van Schalkwyk replied to the effect that the NNP did poorly amongst this segment of the voting public in the recent general elections. The correspondent then felt pressed to repeat her question.

vswyk.jpg (16854 bytes)On the nature of the CD's content, van Schalkwyk was more forthcoming: "’Koel Kortbroek Treffers (Vol 1)’ is containing all the songs what I likes the most. The young peoples will see that I are extremely modern and trendly. All the latest hits of Hip-Hopscotch and Eagle Bee is on there including songs from McHammer and Vannilla Spice. I can't like to touch that, baby", van Schalkwyk beamed expectantly.

No questions were immediately forthcoming, as it took a while for the assembled press to realise that "Eagle Bee", was not a hitherto undiscovered form of nostalgia rock, but rather the direct translation of the Afrikaans words 'arend bee' which is presumably how Mr. van Schalkwyk would pronounce R&B.

While not traditionally considered the leading trendsetter in the South African music industry, van Schalkwyk is hoping to change that with the release of his new album, and at the same time make inroads into the as of yet, unexplored political territory - public popularity. On this topic Kortbroek quipped, "If I get half as popular as that Simon guy from Idols then I think this project would be a successful".

While that may be a tall order for the beleaguered NNP leader, there is at least confidence amongst opposition parties that this new tactic will be as successful at garnering support as all the other harebrained schemes that he has concocted in that last five years.

‘Koel Kortbroek Treffers (Vol. 1)’ will be on shelves as of next Monday, and in all likelihood remain there into the foreseeable future.

 

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