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South African Satire

Issue 9,  May 2004

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Reiki Practioners In Bid To Heal The World

JOHANNESBURG – A group of approximately twenty-five people will make an ambitious bid to rid the world of all evil, suffering and bad luck this Sunday. The group, known as The Healing Hands, will attempt to use the ancient healing art of Reiki to accomplish the feat.

Reiki, an increasingly popular healing method amongst practitioners of New Age Sciences, involves the transference of healing energy from one person to another. The energy transfer is facilitated by the healer placing his hands on the other person and thinking intense healing thoughts.

“Most people think of Reiki as being one-on-one with the healer, but, in reality once you’ve reached level two, you can perform remote healing, using say, a photograph of the person who is far away. In fact, another misconception about Reiki is that it can only be used on people. Not true. Reiki means ‘Universal Life Force’ and it is an energy that is present in all objects, inanimate or not”, said Reiki master and leader of The Healing Hands group, Eddie Thom.

“On Sunday we will each hold a miniature globe in our hands and collectively perform Reiki on the globes at the same time. Hopefully the combined healing energy of all twenty-five of us will be enough to heal the world. We thought about just putting our hands on the floor and performing the Reiki, but we weren’t sure if the energy would spread into the sky. After all, we don’t want the people who are flying at the time of the Reiki to be excluded. And then there are also things like the ozone layer and acid rain that have to be fixed. At least by using globes, we know that the whole planet will receive the energy.”

Another member of the group, Alice Lange, was also quite confident that the group would be successful: “Reiki is absolutely amazing! Since I’ve been practicing I’ve managed to sort out my friend Doris’s gall stone problem, cure my cat of worms, and fix a leaking radiator in my car. I’m pretty sure after we’ve done Reiki on the planet, everything will be OK.”

Thom said that if all goes well, people could expect to wake to a wonderful new world come Monday morning.

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