South African Satire
Issue 20, April 2006
This isn't real news...please read the >Disclaimer<
Reality Reality TV Kicks Off
NEW YORK - In the late 90's, Reality TV changed the way we thought
about TV. Now, Reality Reality TV is set to redefine how we perceive Reality TV.
"Reality TV is in a bit of a slump", said ABC's Programming Manager, Jerry Ruth.
"Survivor XIV was a bomb, and our latest fall line-up is not doing well in the focus
groups."
Ruth was referring to the latest batch of reality shows: "My Big,
Fat Obnoxious Maths Teacher", "The Special Olympics Bachelor", and
"The Apprentice - Baghdad", all set to reach South African viewers early next
year.
"The format is tired. We needed something new – enter Reality Reality TV",
said Rupert Murdoch, CEO of the Fox Television network.
Reality Reality TV, or RRTV takes three main flavours, corresponding to distinct market
sectors:
1. A symbiotic merger of two previously hugely successful formats. To
this end, Fox promises scorching reviews on the blending of MTV's "Pimp My Ride"
with "Show Me the Mommy" to form "Pimp my Mommy". Also in the pipeline
is "Crack-Whore Survivor" – a marriage of "Survivor" and
"The Osbournes" where lifelong drug addicts are left to fend for themselves on
an island armed with nothing more than their wits, an empty syringe and a pamphlet
entitled "Cannibalism – The Poor Man's Heroine".
2. A metaphysical exploration of reality TV. "This is where RRTV
really comes from", says Murdoch, “This brand of RRTV makes reality shows about
reality shows. What goes on behind the scenes in ‘The Amazing Race’? Whatever
happened to Elizabeth from the second season of Survivor? How dangerous is ‘Fear
Factor’ really?”
3. A shift of focus from people, to animals. "We thought to
ourselves, what does every reality show have in common? The answer is – people! That
is the common, bland ingredient in everything from 'The Real Life' to 'E! Hollywood
story'. What we need is… animals!", says Murdoch. Thus, ‘The Merinos’.
An intimate glance into the lives of Australia's nastiest sheep breed. "We just set
up the camera in the paddock and let the drama unfold. Put a family of Aussie sheep
farmers nearby and we've got pure Emmy magic".
Murdoch believes that RRTV will put Fox ahead of its competitors. The other networks, NBC
and HBO, won't be far behind. So, expect RRTV to change your life.
"Soon reality TV will be so real, it
will be more real than reality". Prophetic words from the man who brought you
"Big Brother - Unplugged and Unshaven".
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