South African Satire

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South African Satire
Issue 3, March 2004	This isn't real news...please read the >Disclaimer<
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Newsgroup Ignores New New New National Party
DURBAN - The Independent Newspapers group has decided to stop printing articles referring to the New New New National Party (NNNNP). Derrick Bleys, spokesperson for the group, said that the reasons for this drastic action were varied, citing the party's increasing irrelevance in South African politics, their spineless stance on major issues and having a complete dolt as a party leader. However, when pressed, Bleys confessed that the true reason behind the boycott was that the paper was simply running out of copies of the letter 'N'. "There is a fixed distribution of letter usage in English. 'E', 'S' and 'T' are the most commonly used, and so we stock more of them, but the letter 'N' is just not as common", Bleys explains. But the rag had failed to take into consideration the incredible lack of imagination demonstrated by the old apartheid ruling party. "We should really have expected this from the NNNNP, but we completely underestimated how inflexible and mind-numbingly stupid the New New New National Party is. Nobody expected them to keep prepending the word 'New' to their name every time they reinvented themselves, but they did. Now we find ourselves in the embarrassing position of not having enough N's to finish printing our stories. We have been forced to take drastic action and simply not print any article relating to the NNNNP until a new shipment of 'N's arrive from our supplier in the UK". The added demand is expected to cause ripples throughout the English-speaking world as publishers take corrective steps to lessen the strain on the letter N. Legal action is already being considered by Nandos and Nintendo. "The uilateral decisio to take the letter hostage will ot be take lightly by our clients. Several papers have already refused to publish our cliets' advertisemets in the face of this crisis", a legal represetative of the two firms said yesterday. But Bleys thinks the battle will be won. "We had a similar problem durig the war i Bosia-Herzogovia. The we had a situatio where there was a geeral surplus of vowels, but we got through that and we'll get through this", he said stoically.
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